The year is 2224. AI Donald Trump is entering his 50th term. Polar bears have gone the way of the dodo. Happily, Cher remains entirely unchanged. A magazine headline asks: “Should men be allowed to wear shorts?”
It’s my belief that the perennial debate over whether men can wear shorts should have been put to bed the moment Paul Mescal was papped in a minuscule O’Neills pair, sending the global happiness index soaring by approximately 10,000 points. Here was a way for a man to wear the equivalent of Diana’s revenge dress – or Beyoncé’s freakum dress, for younger readers – while looking like he’d made no effort whatsoever (leg days at the gym notwithstanding).
Earlier this summer, Mescal sported a dressier version of the look at the Gucci menswear show, pairing striped cotton shorts with a blue Oxford shirt, white crew and the brand’s horsebit loafers. Stunning, no notes whatsoever, thank you Paul for your service.
Heartbreakingly, we can’t all be Paul Mescal. But it’s my belief that no man should have to swelter through a summer heatwave in a pair of trousers just because … well, I’m never entirely sure of the reasoning. Is it that we associate shorts with childhood, so struggle to take a man in a pair of them seriously? (And if that’s the case, wouldn’t the solution be for more high-powered men to wear shorts?)
AA Gill argued that “Men in shorts are silly men. And silly is the very worst thing a man can be.” It slightly reminds me of when Richard Hammond warned men that eating ice-cream made them look gay. Is this the world we want our children to inherit?
The men in shorts debate reaches boiling point when it comes to office attire. If you are a high court judge or a funeral director or Keir Starmer, you possibly shouldn’t wear shorts to work. But if your workplace has a more informal dress code – where it wouldn’t be seen as inappropriate to wear a T-shirt, a pair of trainers or a dress without tights – there’s no reason why a well-chosen pair of shorts should inspire any Slack channel side-eye. Public opinion is with me. In 2022 a YouGov poll found that 66% of Britons felt that men’s shorts were appropriate office attire, up from 37% in 2016 (the figure was the same for women).
If in doubt, smart tailored shorts paired with a crisp shirt is a safe bet. Similarly, short shorts look less casual when worn with a more generously proportioned top, as with Mescal’s Oxford shirt.
Some other tips: if you have chunky thighs, anything slim-fitting will be uncomfortably restrictive, so choose a looser fit or show them off in a five-inch inseam if you dare. If you have short legs, anything that finishes below the knee will shorten them even more. Cargo shorts are no longer the preserve of boomers with bumbags – and pocket details will flatter a skinnier leg. Pair with a similarly utilitarian top, and go for a style that ends just above the knee to avoid looking like a skater, unless you’re comfortable pulling off a more directional, oversized look. Denim cut-offs are a weekend staple, but don’t attempt to fashion a pair by slashing some old jeans – they’ll end up too tight, which is the very last thing you want. Avoid matching shirt and shorts co-ords unless you are applying for Love Island, or want to look like you might be.
Most importantly, banish the voice that tells that you shorts are forbidden. To paraphrase Natasha Bedingfield, feel the breeze on your thighs. In a world full of Richard Hammonds, be a Paul Mescal.
